My dad and I often joke that CCV (Christ’s Church of the Valley) always seems to be speaking directly to me—and yesterday was one of those services. Pastor Ashley is currently preaching a series called Control Is an Illusion, and I honestly couldn’t think of a more fitting theme for the season I’m in right now.

He shared how our hearts are deceitful, and because of that, we need something higher—God—to hold us steady and keep us moving forward. Without Him, we naturally end up following our own hearts. I thought that was interesting because I can’t count how many times I’ve told myself to “just follow your heart,” as if that were always good advice. But what I realized in this message is that following our hearts usually means following our own wishful desires—and sometimes, those desires are sinful. Looking back on my past, I know some of mine definitely were.

What really stuck with me was when Pastor Ashley talked about autonomy: how, when we try to grasp for it, we actually lose freedom. We think taking control of our lives will make us freer, but in reality, the opposite happens. When we cling to control, it’s easy for the enemy to step in and let that false control rob us of true freedom. That challenged me to dive deeper into what it really means that God is the one who sets us free.

When I opened Scripture, I noticed how often freedom is connected with surrender.

Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

I love this because when I slip back into trying to run my own life, I need to remember that God already set me free to live differently. He has a plan for me. He knows my next steps. It’s not easy, though. Sometimes it feels so much harder to let go and let God—especially in a world full of opinions and quick fixes. When I get caught in that tug-of-war, I have to refocus and choose to stand firm like Scripture tells us. Only then do I have a chance at hearing the direction God really has for me.

And here’s where it all came together for me: letting go isn’t just surrender—it’s actually an act of love.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve you. Letting go of what doesn’t bring you closer to Jesus. Letting go of what kills your spark. God calls us to protect our heart because everything we do flows from it. Sometimes the best way to protect your heart is simply to release what you’ve been gripping so tightly—and place it in God’s hands.

For me, that has meant letting go of things I hold to the highest regard. And in those moments of release, I’ve seen God move. I’ve found healing. I’ve created space for my faith to grow. I still have moments of weakness where I try to take the wheel again, and every time I do, it only adds anxiety to my life. But the more I let go, the clearer my vision becomes—not just for what God has in front of me, but also for how I show up for my family.

Letting go, though, is not easy. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. It doesn’t happen overnight, and sometimes it feels frustrating and even impossible. If you would have asked me a few months ago how I was going to do what I needed to do, I would have said I don’t have a clue. But I’ve learned that God always equips us with exactly what we need to let go and persevere. For me, that gift was strength—not a strength I could claim as my own, but a strength only He could give.

So I wouldn’t dare say I got through it because I’ve ‘always been strong.’ I got through it because God gave me exactly what I needed to persevere. I kept coming back to something Pastor Ashley once preached about grit: it simply means getting back up one more time than you’ve been knocked down.