Looking back over the last year, it’s honestly hard to explain what it feels like to be the most alone I’ve ever been yet somehow feel God’s presence stronger than ever. Especially after giving birth, His nearness has become incredibly real to me. On my worst days, I still know He’s right next to me. Even when doubts creep in, I hold onto hope that the horizon is coming.

“How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.”
—Psalm 139:17–18 (NIV)

What gives me confidence now is knowing how far God has brought me. I remember the anxiety. The spirals. The nights I couldn’t see a way out. And yet He always showed up. Every time. One of the most freeing lessons I’ve learned this year is this: hand the shovel to God. Stop digging. Let Him do the rescuing.

That truth sounds simple, but it’s been hard for me to live out. Letting go is something I’ll probably struggle with forever. I’ve always tried to control things like my situations, my relationships, and my future. But the more I’ve pressed into my relationship with God, the more I’ve realized: control and pride go hand in hand.

When I asked God why I find surrender so difficult, His answer was clear: “It’s your pride.”
That hit deep.

Thinking I can handle life on my own? That’s pride. Believing I have it all figured out? Pride.
And here’s the wild thing: not one single part of my life has gone according to plan. But when I reflect, I honestly thank Jesus for that. I’ve watched God interrupt my ideas, my timelines, my “perfect” plans and reroute me toward something better. And maybe I won’t always understand why. But I’ve learned that understanding isn’t required. The only thing that is required is trusting God.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
—Proverbs 3:5–6 (NIV)

One thing my counselor, Pastor Dave, told me stuck with me. He said, “Harleigh, if you knew how the rest of your life would go, why would you need God?”
That truth was a game-changer. If I had all the answers, where would my faith be? What lessons would I miss? What would be the point of the journey?

And honestly, I’ve always prided myself on being “a strong, independent woman.” I’ve said it countless times: “I got this.” But over time, I’ve learned that strength doesn’t mean doing life alone. God has humbled me in ways I never saw coming, but through every challenge, He’s built something better in me: faith. Real, raw, unshakable faith.

That’s the full-circle moment I’ve come to: realizing I’m not in control. God is.
(And yes, I still sing “Jesus, take the wheel” in my head sometimes. Thank you, Carrie Underwood.)

As I look back, I see how pride has tangled up so much in my life. I pushed too hard, tried to make things work my way, and yes things “worked out” but only by the grace of God. I’ve lost count of the number of times I should’ve fallen flat, and somehow I’m still here. That’s not luck. That’s grace.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud.”
—Proverbs 16:18–19 (NIV)

The Bible is clear: pride leads to destruction. It distances us from God, and honestly it blinds us. Adam and Eve are the perfect example. They had one command. One. And yet, pride crept in. The enemy knows pride is one of the easiest ways to pull us away from God. I know that, because I’ve lived it.

Yes – God gave us free will. We can do what we want. But eventually, pride catches up to you. It caught up to me. And even though I’ve learned the hard way, I’m finally beginning to see what surrender really looks like.

It’s not that God wants us to fall. But sometimes He lets us hit the wall so we’re reminded to let go. To trust. To stop gripping the wheel so tightly.
Because we were never meant to do this life alone.