Last night, I felt deeply convicted by the Lord about something I’ve known for years I need to work on. A family issue came up, and almost instantly, I found myself frustrated. My thoughts spiraled: Why does this person keep making the same mistakes? When will they ever learn? It seems so simple to me! I became irritated and started dwelling on the situation. Something I often do when it comes to family matters, even though it serves no purpose, especially when my family is thousands of miles away in America.

For about thirty minutes, I sat on the couch, feeling burdened. Then, in an almost immediate moment of clarity, I felt the weight of God’s conviction. I heard a voice in my spirit saying, Stop running your mouth about others. I knew I had a right to be upset, but I also knew that harboring unresolved anger goes against what God desires for us. My frustration led me to speak negatively and dwell on thoughts that weren’t right.

This morning, I woke up still feeling unsettled. However this time, the frustration was directed at myself. I decided enough was enough. I sat down on the couch with my coffee, and my Bible was still open from yesterday’s reading. As I glanced at it, I noticed a verse I had read in Proverbs:

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” – Proverbs 20:19 (NIV)

Reading it again, I felt a deep conviction. I realized that while I may not be able to change my family’s situation from thousands of miles away, I can work on changing myself. A phrase I’ve heard repeatedly over the past month echoed in my mind: You cannot change another person; you can only change yourself. I couldn’t ignore it anymore and maybe this was God speaking to me, telling me it’s time to adjust my mindset and habits.

I’m currently reading through Proverbs for the third time, and it never fails to humble me. As I reread that verse, I also reflected on my own confidence, or lack thereof. The truth is, I am no better than anyone else. Who am I to think, I would never make that mistake? The reality is that we all have struggles, and I, like many others, have fallen into the cycle of repeating the same bad habits over and over again.

Another verse from Proverbs stood out to me:

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” — Proverbs 11:13 (NIV)

A commentary I read on this verse put it well: Scripture forcefully condemns gossip. A person who has been told something in confidence, but breaks that trust by sharing it with others, is a gossip. So is the person who spreads information that isn’t theirs to share. (Bibleref.com)

While Proverbs 11:13 and Proverbs 20:19 both use the word confidence, they offer different yet connected lessons. I realized just how much damage gossip can cause. It’s easy to hear something shocking and feel the urge to share it. But in reality, many people gossip simply out of boredom, not realizing the ripple effect it creates. One secret leads to another, and soon, an entire conversation is centered around speaking negatively about others.

Proverbs offers another profound insight:

“Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.” – Proverbs 26:20 (NIV)

This verse ties everything together. Before breaking someone else’s confidence or tearing down your own, simply don’t engage in it. Stop the fire before it spreads. Of course, this is easier said than done, but it’s something I know I need to be more mindful of.

I’ve come to understand that it’s okay to feel upset, but it’s crucial to develop the discipline to control my thoughts. The key is recognizing when I need to put out the fire in my mind before it leads to harm. Both for myself and for others.

BibleRef. (n.d.). Proverbs 11:13 – Meaning and Commentary on Bible Verse. BibleRef.com. Retrieved February 1, 2025, from https://www.bibleref.com/Proverbs/11/Proverbs-11-13.html